Everything Is Shite, #453,211 – The UnMighty Mouse

Posted in anything but apple, computers, geekery, overweight, talcum, technology, teeth, vegemite by expatatlarge on July 17, 2009

I thought I was going crazy, I thought I was having a stroke, I’d thought that, just typical for me, I’d got me a LEMON… Then a buddy bought me a wireless replacement which worked fine, for a while, but soon enough, it went too. In EXACTLY the SAME WAY. Is it just everything or is me shite?

Fucking trying to scroll DOWN on my Apple mouse, nothing happens… but it goes up, the cocksocker! Fucking piece of McSHITE!

I thought maybe it was a software bug, so I did a search for a patch… Nope, it’s hardware and I’m not alone.

Fuck, I threw out my old MS wireless mouse just the other day because the expired battery had corroded the pins. I’ll have to buy a new one tomorrow.



An in unrelated news, a rash of rashes have broken out in the recently de-Izzied* E@L-GHQ because Singapore has run out of current fave, Dettol, talcum powder. Seems like it’s not just Vegemite that has ebbs and surges in supply in Singapore. At least, my nearest Guardian has run out. “No stock,” shrugged the pharmacist (I had to bother her as the clerk {OMG her teeth! – side issue} couldn’t speak ANY English. What is she, a Malaysian scientist?)

Getting the right amount of zinc in your talc is crucial to a happy life in the tropics.


Americans are fat and getting fatter, and they are exporting their success!

E@L (I have had absolutely NO ice-cream today [It was OFF!]! The sherry flavored Wild Turkey though, I can’t answer for that.)

* Iz is on an extended holiday in Europe.


13 Responses

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  1. savannah said, on July 17, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    wait, hold on, where the hell are y'all, sugar? it's so difficult keeping up with my jetsetting friends these days! xoxoxo

  2. expat@large said, on July 18, 2009 at 5:25 am

    Sav: this is a dispatch from the Home-front. Singapore.

  3. Hunter-Gatherer said, on July 18, 2009 at 9:04 am

    I think that Americans are evolving into Homo fattus and they are procreating it around the world. American fatties are a different shape to English & Irish fatties and can sometimess the nationality of a fatty can be determined by the appearance of their fat.

    There are periods of my life when I have been more Irish than English, sometimes a little German but never American.

    I'm about 2 stone overweight in the style of Brendan Behan at the moment but I am trying to work it off.

  4. expat@large said, on July 18, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    H-G: I am very much the beer-bellied Australian, all my weight in front of my, all my sporting achievements behind me…

    Brenden Behan's is a formidable style – best of luck with it.

  5. savannah said, on July 18, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    well, the MITM said i had a big ass. i told him that was true, but i never referred to him in that way! ;~D
    he rephrased his attempted ethnically positive compliment. xoxox

  6. Hunter-Gatherer said, on July 18, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    I believe oyu are describing the “Clive James” The “Barry Humphries” is a bit sleeker. and more cultured. I am sure that Savannah's ass is within the bell curve.

  7. DanPloy said, on July 18, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Try Protex cooling powder which you can buy at Golden Mile.
    Like all the products from Golden Mile, it has the added excitement of having those unknown ingredients that haven't been used since the Vietnam war.
    It certainly keeps my gangly bits in order, albeit there is little call for it in Canada.

  8. expat@large said, on July 19, 2009 at 5:17 am

    H-G: yes very much the “shirt-off-the-rack-don't-do-up-at-the-neck” look of Clive.

    Dan: the cooling powders are too mentholated or have chlorhexadine which gives an interesting tingle I am not interested in living with on a day to day basis. Also they can go up to 25% zinc which makes them effectively nappy rash powders. OK for a cure, but too sticky and gluggy for prevention. For the prophylactic benefits, 9-10% zinc is optimal. Pure “baby powder” talc usually less than 5% zinc, if any, and does not do enough to prevent chafing in the high pressure tropical regions (of my underpants area).

    Like all good shoppers, I know what I want (what works for me) and I read the labels diligently. I'm going to Golden mile today to see if I can find some Pears clear soap, which I have found at a Fairprice place in the past, but not since.

    Most of the little personal things in life that I prefer are usually unavailable in Singapore. Not all, but most. Some others, of course, are available in abundance. But those things don't come with labels of ingredients.

  9. savannah said, on July 19, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    thank you, hunter-gatherer. xoxox

  10. Creepy said, on July 20, 2009 at 2:26 am

    Oh yeah, powdering your junk is necessary in the tropics, lest you end up with swamp crotch. I'm partial to Gold Bond Powder. The medicated action leaves you all tingly and puts a spring in your step. But do NOT use their foot powder like a friend of mine did, or your balls will catch fire!

  11. expat@large said, on July 20, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Creepy: yep, beware the foot-powder ones. They may have an antifungal agent in them too, which some scrota seem to dislike.

    BTW: I found the talc I like in Great World City, hidden down in some dark nook. Bought three, just in case other people start stock-piling it (too).

  12. dh said, on July 20, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Damn! I was going to recommend Gold Bond but Creepy beat me to it.

  13. expat@large said, on July 20, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    That's great everyone, my inflamed crotch appreciates all your attention, but when will someone suggest A REPLACEMENT MOUSE?

    Too late I ended up buying a cheap from Powerlogic with flashy lights, variable resolution (like, of course, I decided I needed that) and a scroll wheel that works, etc…

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