Expat@Large

OMG We Can’t Believe We’re Telling You This

Posted in Uncategorized by expatatlarge on December 13, 2009

E@L has gone insane! He is unrecognizable! There can be no other explanation!

For the third weekend in a row E@L has been spending Sundays at…

… no, not church! We said he’d gone insane, not become stupid.

Anyway, this is WORSE!

Aaaargh… E@L cuts out his tongue and flings it to the flesh-eating zombies after divulging this information…

He’s been playing Dungeons and Dragons!

Yes, with Mercer Machine as Dungeon Master… Let us tell you, MM has a history of being mighty mean, AND he has this spooky, guttural, evil laugh (so much so it broke E@L up into fits of laughter, completely…)

~~~~~~~~~~

Dearest Readers, please forgive us…

… but as a red-bearded, smelly, 4ft Dwarf, E@L is forever screaming in a thick Scottish accent: (think ‘Shrek’ – OK, E@L’s the Australian dude playing the Canadian dude who plays the ogre dude.)

“I hut ut, wi’ ma axe!”

~~~~~~~~~~

On a brighter note: Unnamed sources reveal that E@L has dropped 4.2kgs in this last week. Expectations for this rapid rate of loss to continue are not high.

But it’s fruit in the morning, veges and some meat for lunch and dinner: no rice, no bread, no potatoes. Fewer, and smaller size Spinelli’s Hazelnut Choc-Spins and ONLY ONE oatmeal cookie (the will-power! Where does it come from?).

That was, until he hit the D&D game and its associated feast of rich and thick*, fat-and-carb-enhanced junk-food today.

Sigh…

~~~~~~~~

BTW: conversation at Spinelli’s.

E@L: A small hazelnut choc-pin, please.
She: Sir, we don’t have small, only medium. (She indicates two cups – ostensibly Medium and Large)
E@L: It that the small one? (He point to the Medium cup)
She: Yes.
E@L: Then I’ll have a small one. (Why didn’t he just say that the first time?)
She: Thank you. (calls to the, ahem, “barista”) Medium hazelnut spin!
E@L: And an oatmeal-raisin cookie, please.
She: Just one?
E@L: (sighs) Yes, just one. A small one.
She: They’re all the same size, sir.
E@L: Then I’ll have a medium one.
She: (smiles, gets cookie)
E@L: (YES!)

~~~~~~~~~~

Also, E@L thought that the “new Blair-Witch Project”, the infamously $15k budgeted and famously $100m+ earning Paranormal Activity, was pretty freaking scary!

But on his version, the bit in the trailer where somebody is sort of flying backwards into the bedroom straight towards the camera, well it didn’t happen… WTF?

BWP itself was a crock of shit however.

E@L

* a Thai bar-girl’s ideal man. Yuk yuk…

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7 Responses

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  1. Momentary Madness said, on December 13, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    I am glad it didn't happen- what I can't remember.
    I really have to give up smoking.
    I can't even remember exactly where I am, but I'm your man.

  2. savannah said, on December 13, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    what the hell is going on, sugar? xoxo

  3. Joanne Casey said, on December 13, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    I don't get Dungeons and Dragons, the cartoon was OK though.

    I thought BWP was crap, too. Paranormal Activity was OK, bit at the end was in the version I watched (did you download it by any chance?)

    Last good scary film I viewed was Orphan.

  4. Indiana said, on December 13, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    In regards to your Sundays…did you have fun? 😉

  5. expat@large said, on December 14, 2009 at 12:05 am

    MomMad: You're THE man!

    Sav: It's a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.

    Joanne: (SPOILERS AHEAD) Nope didn't happen in “my personal” version. (Download bt, what's that?) She came upstairs in a trance and just sat there rocking for three days until the trigger happy cops came. Bang, The End. 'Orphan' – don't know it – I'll have to get “my own version”…

    'Let The Last One In' was spooky, not scary, but enjoyable (book was better).

    Indy: That would be almost MORE embarrassing to admit! Sunday should be a day of rest. See you January 17th!

  6. scott said, on December 14, 2009 at 3:24 am

    I think it is just a reaction to where you are living, both the repressed society (D&D is a traditional game for the repressed people in western society IIRC), and I also think that the Sunday slot is you trying to find a distraction from your bonking neighbour.

    When you get down here I am sure there will be something more exciting than D&D to pass the time.

  7. Creepy said, on December 21, 2009 at 3:50 am

    Wow, you had me worried for a minute there. Thought your crazy sister might have brainwashed you.

    I spent many hours playing D&D as a youngster, but for some reason grew out of it. One night in high school my best friend (and former D&D companion) gave it a shot for old times sake but there was no magic. I wonder how I might feel about it 20+ years later…


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