Like A Baby

Posted in Uncategorized by expatatlarge on June 4, 2010

That’s how E@L intends to sleep tonight. Yep, waking up every three hours, screaming the house down, shitting his pants and refusing to give anyone else any rest…

Well, no. Not that baby. More the baby who doesn’t have sleep apnoea sort of thing, one who sleeps calmly (a beautiful baby) all through night, in order to wake up blissfully rested and ready to start screaming the house down and shitting and pissing its pants every twenty minutes for the rest of the day.

Because after the incredibly less than average results for his sleep test last week at last came back to the Doc, (“You’re going to die, and horribly”) a humbled and contrite E@L popped into the snore-shop today and picked hisself up a rental CPAP machine. After five minutes with the plastic masks and the air-pumps, E@L was wondering if that death might not possibly be related to some sort of auto-erotic asphyxiation thing…

No, not, moving right along…

Amongst the many sad things about this whole idea of having some bulky and noisy equipment follow him round the world in order to keep him alive – like some portable iron lung – the worst is that the blower-in-the-nose-machine is from Philips, which almost automatically means it is the equivalent of a Walmart brand of CPAP machines (unless, as in my old company’s case, they acquired a decent producer for one/twice).

Sigh. Sorry, one means snort.

And… as this is a rental machine who the fuck knows who has been snorting their mucous into it, the first thing E@L did when he got home was dump the non-electronic parts (the hose, the water container for the humidifier – need one because he sleeps buck naked with the A-C on) into a bucket of chlorox. Better to burn the skin off your (SuperJoyce the maid’s) hands than to risk getting a chest infection from some aspergillosis spores…

Yee-uck, one would rather dope up on a case of leptospirosis from rat urine on the top of coke cans.

E@L left SuperJoyce to sort that out (the cleaning, not the rat urine) while he went out for uncountable beers, copious wine and the most bella pizza in Singapore. And now he has has to follow the instructions to get it to, hic, work.

All of which means he’s going to sleep like a baby. Or die in the attempt…



6 Responses

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  1. Dan said, on June 4, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    good luck.nice knowing you…

  2. Spike said, on June 5, 2010 at 12:32 am

    Philips is pretty darned far away from being a leader in this area. I've got a machine from Respironics and 5 different masks, each a very different style, none of them very comfortable.

  3. expat@large said, on June 5, 2010 at 12:58 am

    Dan: I'm alive, praise the lord, I'm ALIVE!Spike: Philips now own Respironics – type in Respironics.com and it takes you to the Philips 'sleep' site I linked to above. They obviously haven't rebranded Respironics yet, though I am sure they will. It took them two years to fully absorb my old company into their branding machine.Results… see next post! After I take a nap.

  4. Spike said, on June 5, 2010 at 1:01 am

    Thanks, I didn't know that! (Obviously.) (My machine more than 5 years old.)

  5. expat@large said, on June 5, 2010 at 1:17 am

    Those creepy Dutch tentacles are everywhere. Just checked, they bought it in 2007: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philips#Acquisitions)

  6. expat@large said, on June 5, 2010 at 1:18 am

    Ha, I note they even bought the Sonicaire electric toothbrush! You'll see my old company in that list too – ATL.

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